Hamlin

Hamlin is an all-male residential hall in the Northeast residential area. Hamlin and Johnson are the only one-gender dorms on campus. Despite the supposed reputation that it has maintained in being an all-male dormitory, Hamlin is generally a very pleasant place to live and a good place to study. Sometimes.

Home to the Hamlinites

[edit] 1st Floor Hamlin

Upon entering Hamlin through the front doors, you will be greeted with an "Mercy Kill" odor. The purpose of this retched smell is to incapacitate visitor's nostrils so that they will not require therapy should they happen by the bathroom. Some say it would be easier to simply keep the bathrooms clean, whiles other say "Blargh... Blargh! Uhh, Blagh..., oh man (pants), Blargh!" Generally, those who say the latter win these arguments, as the zingy smell of vodka in the stalls can attest to. Others giggle, no doubt t-ping the showers again. Others dream of when they will no-longer live in public housing, or simply of purchasing a high-power marker, some frozen paint-balls, and going out in a blaze of glory.

The first floor of Hamlin is pretty chill currently being run by the wonderful RA Sahil.

Hamlin Hall's unofficial nickname is now "Manlin" given so by the rest of the Umass on campus populace.

[edit] 2nd Floor Hamlin

[edit] 3rd Floor Hamlin

Nothing is known about the 3rd floor. They are the second largest mystery on campus, behind only that of why the library was built strong enough to support books on only every other floor. I heard once that ol' Billy lost a leg on the Third floor. Just heard it...

[edit] 4th Floor Hamlin

Included on the fourth floor are some of the original members of the fourth floor crew from the '06-'07 academic year. However, several key members are currently missing. Those missing include the infamous Petey who has since taken up a RA position in the Central residential area. He is sorely missed, however he occasionally joins the Fourthies in sharing a meal at Worcester Dining Commons. Now, check out the fella on the Fourth with the fro, and the tall guy. And the german, and Aki!

[edit] Were you aware of it?

• The 4th Floor masterminded the assassination of the Archduke of Austria Franz Ferdinand, sparking World War I.
• The 4th Floor is almost 97% trans-fat free
• The 4th Floor's dad can beat up your dad unless your dad is a boxer or wrestler or like a really angry elf in which case we humbly concede
• The 4th Floor, because of an eddy in the space-time continuum, is technically trapped in the year 1947.
• The 4th Floor is has the highest concentration of Carbon Monoxide present in its air of any hall on campus. As a result, many members of the hall have health problems regarding abnormal sleep patterns.
• The 4th Floor has a dog
• The 4th Floor sometimes gets together and talks about life and social issues

[edit] Linguistic Prowess

The Fourthies are especially well known for their linguistic prowess and their skill at formulating new and exciting phrases and wordings that become part of the everyday lexicon on the floor. Current usages and creations include the use of the word "tang" following a shortened form of an already used piece of American lingo. For example, the use of the word "weentang" has become especially prevalent on the fourth floor. Commonly used words and phrases that are often vulgar and disturbing in nature frequently get yelled up and down the hall with great gusto and vivacity. In actuality, the fourth floor often becomes so clouded with foul language that babies have been known to begin spontaneously crying within a 5 mile radius.

[edit] Questionable Behavior

Additionally, the Fourthies have a strong tendency towards jocular homosexual behavior. Science is currently struggling to find the original source of power that influences the Fourthies to act in such ways. There is significant evidence in favor of the theory that Steve, the RA of the floor, contributes heavily to this phenomenon and may in fact be the sole affecting factor. However, despite an unusual concentration of engineers on the floor, the proposed hypothesis that Steve is, in fact, "a big gay" remains empirically uncertain.

Also, there was the Incident of the Gaping Anus, and here is what happened: (=O=)

[edit] Zombie Apocalypse

In October 2007 Hamlin 4th Floor was awarded the prestigious honor of being the most Zombie Preparded Workplace and/or Living Community in the United States by the National Association for Zombie Prevention and Awareness (NAZPA). Amoungst other things, they were awarded for their large precentage of trained zombie prevention residents, an impressive stockpile of crude zombie-combat weaponry, regular public viewings of zombie awareness documentaries and an on-hand copy of The Zombie Survival Guide. A representative from Hamlin 4th Floor said that they were proud of their efforts and were confident the hall could retain the title next year, especially due to their latest addition of in-hall T-Virus Antidote supplies.

[edit] Mailing Address and Informational Type Crap

Hamlin Hall
739 North Pleasant Street
Amherst, MA 01003-9211

Nearby Dining Commons: Worcester Dining Commons

UMASS Hamlin Hall Webpage

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